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Warning: I'm in a very pissed off mood and I'm venting on here...sorry!

So Brian and I had a great day yesterday. He actually was able to take a day of PTO ( if you know brian this is a huge thing!) We went o worlds of fun. It was fun just walking around without a care in the world. Riding roller coasters and water rides brought me back to those careless days when I was in high school. While we where eating, his phone rang. It was work. That basically ruined our day. The rest of the day at the park he was somewhere else...wondering about that call. When we got back to the car not only did one person call, but his boss also called. Great! They needed him to go out of town again, to a plant he doesn't know, to clean up some fucking mess. Wonderful!! Thank you so much for fucking ruining our fun care free day. It basically ruined the rest of the night. When he finally got a hold of someone at work they where like, let me see if I can get someone else to go. YES!!!!! Send someone else who never fucking travels so brian might have a whole week in his own bed? Maybe his dog might be warmer to him. Maybe he will start feeling like his house is his home again.

So...we came home. Cooked dinner. I thought everything was in the clear. He was making plans to have fun with his friend today, and then his phone rang again. He had to go. And he had to leave tomorrow ( today) morning and stay til weds. I'm so angry I'm in fucking tears last night. They couldn't send this other guy b/c he has never done a start up at plant ( what the fuck?!?!?! Brian was doing those in the first 6 months and this guy started not that long after Brian). So that meant that Brian had to get ready to leave this morning. I started laundry. I'm going off on his job. I hate them!!! They can't let brian have one fucking day of PTO! Not one fucking day to relax. He is always stressed out, always thinking about work. He is changing and I hate it. I know its the fucking job. I feel like they take advantage of Brian. They also said this other guy couldn't go b/c he just had a kid with his wife. Good, great for him...but why does Brian have to fill in the gaps? Do I have to get knocked up so that he can stay at home for a month? Just b/c he doesn't have "family" doesn't mean that he doesn't have other things he would like to do with his time besides work. I feel like not only Brian but I keep getting the raw end of stick b/c we aren't married with kids. Like oh they just live together, they have all this free time, lets just send Brian b/c it doesn't matter if he is at home.

Some days I wish Brian was horrible at his job. Then maybe he would be able to be home for more than a week at a time. Too bad Brian is a very hard worker and is very good at his job. He actually loves what he does...which is a real blessing..but he also would like to take vacations. Or days off so we can actually spend some alone time together. Women at work ask how I deal with brian traveling so much. I always give the usual response, I knew what I was getting into, we are independent people, it doesn't feel that long, we get to talk every day....blah blah blah. What I actually do is lay in bed at night b/c I can't sleep without him here, try and fill my time so I'm not alone that long, watch other couples have date night and long for that, wish we both had normal jobs, and sometimes cry myself to sleep b/c I hate hate being alone. I know its even worse for him. He doesn't gtt to see me, Yadier, or his family. Our dog is not himself when Brian is gone, and he has a hard time warming up to him with he gets home. He never gets to have a lot of fun anymore. I know he doesn't sleep well either. He also has to see me cry every time he leaves, and I know that kills him.

I don't know why this time flipped me so much. This has happened so many times in the past, and I was able to keep my cool...but yesterday I just flipped. It just I miss him everyday. Maybe one day I'll get my little dream of having a "normal" schedule.  Sorry for the rant but I actually feel better.