Be thankful

As Thanksgiving approaches I am reminded of everything I have to be thankful for. Everyone has been posting thankful things every day on Facebook and honestly it kind of gets a bit much, however I do love reading how much people realize they have. Now to get into what I am thankful for this year.


    My aunts and cousins always provide a welcoming place.
                 
    My dear sweet grandpa. I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. He is truly an amazing man. I am one of fifteen grandchild but I can't remember one event in my life he wasn't there for. He has this amazing way of making you feel like you are the only one in the room. He always goes out of his way for his children and grandchildren.

    My parents. The amount they have taught me is unbelievable. I am still learning from them. I have never seen two people go through so much and still remain so strong. I know there a lot of things they wish my sister and I hadn't seen, but I think that just makes us a stronger family.

    My sister. I prayed for a little sister and god gave me her. She was my first best friend. She knows me better than anyone else, its kind of creepy but in a good way. She has shown me a lot about who I am and motivated me to be a good role model for her. I know I wasn't always the best big sister in the world but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else besides her. She makes me keep wanting to be a better person and have her be proud to call me her sister.

My Friends- They friends are the family that you get to chose. that is so true about my closest and best friends. they have shown me true friendship and love. I think of them as my soul mates. there are many things i would have not have gotten through without them. Unfortunately i do not live near a good group of them, but whenever i spend anytime with my close friends its like I live down the street. I love them to death and would do anything for them.

My Fiance- There are not a enough worlds to say how thankful I am to have found my better half. So many people grow through their lives not knowing how to love someone completely and fully. i full so fortunate to have found that. we have been through a lot in our time together and still have continued to grow together. he loves me completely for who i am and doesn't try to make me into something i am not. he makes me want to be the best version of myself. he believes in me in a way no one else has. i can not wait to start the next part of my life with him and to see where our lives take us.

My co workers. they make even the hardest nights enjoyable. I have never worked with so many wonderful women who get alone so well. They make going to work more fun.

My job. i'm thankful that i have a very secure job what i just happen to love. i truly feel like this is what i am supposed to be doing with the rest of my life. some days are harder than other but i feel like i make a difference.

My house, health, and comfortable living. I have seen how luck i am to have the basic needs in life. i try not to take everything for granted.

I know that is a long post but its nice to reflect on the things that are wonderful in our lives. It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day drama that is life and think of all the things we want. Lets celebrate Thanksgiving and truly give thanks for the nice things in life, and not the material things.

Wine Glasses

So my best friend Cara got married in June. I had the honer of being one of her maids of honor. For her bridal shower we decided to have it at winery. The place was converted from an old barn. So sticking cute. I was so lucky to being working with another best friend to pull the whole thing together.

So one of my jobs was making the party favors. I thought...winery...lets make cool wine glasses. I was on pinterest and saw some cool wine glasses dipped in chalk board paint. I looked into and it looked like a craft I could actually do, since I'm not that crafty. I think they turned out great. Here is how I did it ( and I took pictures!)

So I layed a paint cloth on my kitchen island, so I wouldn't ruin my counter tops. I also layed some wax paper down ( which I saw on a couple of blogs) so I could rotate so the paint would dry evenly. Some dipping took a bit of extra work depending on if I could get the bottom of the glass in the paint can. I put painters tape where I wanted the paint to go to. This made it was easier for this girl to make everything look even. 

Dipping the glasses

This the the rotating. I did have to change the paper twice, I did about 30 glasses. Then I put them upside down to finish drying. I did the rotating first so that the paint wouldn't drip. I did have a couple of glasses that did drip, but it was easily cleaned off.

The finished product! I don't think they looked too bad and everyone enjoyed them. I spent about 2 hours on this project, just because I'm a perfectionist, which is why I don't do too many crafts! 

changes

I haven't wrote in a very long time. Lots of things have been happening... my best friend got married, I turned 28 and....Brian proposed!!! I'll write more later. I have some crafts that I feel proud of and lots of weddings things!!

#*%$*%^&(%^#%^

Warning: I'm in a very pissed off mood and I'm venting on here...sorry!

So Brian and I had a great day yesterday. He actually was able to take a day of PTO ( if you know brian this is a huge thing!) We went o worlds of fun. It was fun just walking around without a care in the world. Riding roller coasters and water rides brought me back to those careless days when I was in high school. While we where eating, his phone rang. It was work. That basically ruined our day. The rest of the day at the park he was somewhere else...wondering about that call. When we got back to the car not only did one person call, but his boss also called. Great! They needed him to go out of town again, to a plant he doesn't know, to clean up some fucking mess. Wonderful!! Thank you so much for fucking ruining our fun care free day. It basically ruined the rest of the night. When he finally got a hold of someone at work they where like, let me see if I can get someone else to go. YES!!!!! Send someone else who never fucking travels so brian might have a whole week in his own bed? Maybe his dog might be warmer to him. Maybe he will start feeling like his house is his home again.

So...we came home. Cooked dinner. I thought everything was in the clear. He was making plans to have fun with his friend today, and then his phone rang again. He had to go. And he had to leave tomorrow ( today) morning and stay til weds. I'm so angry I'm in fucking tears last night. They couldn't send this other guy b/c he has never done a start up at plant ( what the fuck?!?!?! Brian was doing those in the first 6 months and this guy started not that long after Brian). So that meant that Brian had to get ready to leave this morning. I started laundry. I'm going off on his job. I hate them!!! They can't let brian have one fucking day of PTO! Not one fucking day to relax. He is always stressed out, always thinking about work. He is changing and I hate it. I know its the fucking job. I feel like they take advantage of Brian. They also said this other guy couldn't go b/c he just had a kid with his wife. Good, great for him...but why does Brian have to fill in the gaps? Do I have to get knocked up so that he can stay at home for a month? Just b/c he doesn't have "family" doesn't mean that he doesn't have other things he would like to do with his time besides work. I feel like not only Brian but I keep getting the raw end of stick b/c we aren't married with kids. Like oh they just live together, they have all this free time, lets just send Brian b/c it doesn't matter if he is at home.

Some days I wish Brian was horrible at his job. Then maybe he would be able to be home for more than a week at a time. Too bad Brian is a very hard worker and is very good at his job. He actually loves what he does...which is a real blessing..but he also would like to take vacations. Or days off so we can actually spend some alone time together. Women at work ask how I deal with brian traveling so much. I always give the usual response, I knew what I was getting into, we are independent people, it doesn't feel that long, we get to talk every day....blah blah blah. What I actually do is lay in bed at night b/c I can't sleep without him here, try and fill my time so I'm not alone that long, watch other couples have date night and long for that, wish we both had normal jobs, and sometimes cry myself to sleep b/c I hate hate being alone. I know its even worse for him. He doesn't gtt to see me, Yadier, or his family. Our dog is not himself when Brian is gone, and he has a hard time warming up to him with he gets home. He never gets to have a lot of fun anymore. I know he doesn't sleep well either. He also has to see me cry every time he leaves, and I know that kills him.

I don't know why this time flipped me so much. This has happened so many times in the past, and I was able to keep my cool...but yesterday I just flipped. It just I miss him everyday. Maybe one day I'll get my little dream of having a "normal" schedule.  Sorry for the rant but I actually feel better.

being a nurse

Last week was nurse's week. All week my working did a whole "spirit" week thing all week. It was very thoughtful; however I felt like I was back in high school. I did like that they where trying to make us feel special, which is always nice :)

All last week I kept thinking of why I became a nurse. A lot of days...mostly when I can't do things b/c of work. I wonder if this really is the right profession for me. I think about what else I could have done with my life. I can't ever think of anything else. Some things sound like fun, like travel agent, but none ever fit me. For some reason I have always wanted to help people feel better. What better way than be a nurse??

It is defiantly not a glamorous job by any means, nor is it easy.  First school feels like cruel and unusual punishment, but you get through it. I found myself fascinated by the body and all the things is does. After school you think yes! I'm done will all of that nonsense, but then there are boards. I had my first panic attack after taking those. Finally you get that wonderful RN after you name! You finally get to practice what you where taught!!

So after all this stress why did I do it? Because there isn't anything I could even imagine myself doing. To be a nurse you must deal with doctors with attitudes ( not all of them), working long hours, being able to go 12 hours without going to the bathroom or eating, getting pooped/peeded/vomited on, stick people/kids/babies with needles, not always being appreciated, and sometimes putting your family second. You must be strong enough to deal with death. Some days I'm stronger than others. Some days I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open on my drive to and from work. But the joy you see in the patient or family's eyes when they see you makes it all worth it. There is nothing like making a sick patient's day. No matter how tired/ stressed I feel I love seeing that joy. I love knowing that I made an good impact on someone's day.

I guess that is why I'm a nurse. I truly love what I do. Even though I randomly look at other jobs, I can't ever bring myself to leave. I love being a bedside nurse. So thank you to everyone that has been strong enough to become a nurse! You all are very special to be doing this thing we call nursing :)

gardening....blah

So I have a huge backyard. Its beautiful and I enjoy sitting outside; however I hate, and I mean HATE weeding the gardens. We have three huge flower beds and two small ones in the backyard alone. My wonderful parents came to help one weekend and we filled 7 yard bags, yes thats right 7...and we only cleaned out one big flower bed.

I'm kind of over cleaning out flower beds. I still have half of one in the back yard and about 7 ish in the front. It just takes so much time, and I just don't have a desire to do anything with them. Is that bad of me? I mean they don't look the greatest but it isn't too terrible just yet. There are just so many other things I would rather do with my time. Like finish projects for my bff's bridal shower, go for a run/ gym, sleeping, watching tv, or anything that doesn't involve cleaning out flower beds.

So on one of my days off instead of cleaning out flower beds I'm doing a craft, watching tv, and maybe have a glass ( or glasses) of wine.

off to attempt crafting :)

Work it!

So... Ive been trying to get myself back into shape since.....well since the half marathon in October last year. I have yet to be successful. I will be good for a couple of days...then I'm bad for like a month. I finally stopped giving myself reasons why not and get my ass into gear. So I finally took some action and went back to the gym. I signed up with a trainer when I signed up.  Today was my second session with Grant, my trainer. He kicks my ass...and I love it. I'm sore and I'm finally starting to feel better about myself. I've been beating myself up about everything lately and I think working out will help. I need to get back to feeling like myself again. 

I also started using myfitnesspal again. Its a great program, if you can stick with it. So everyone keep their fingers crossed that this will get the extra weight I've put on off. And maybe back into my size 8 jeans??? A girl can hope!

productive...kind of

So i'm the list making type of person. While at work on tuesday I made of list of things I wanted to get done on my days off. I'm super motivated while making these lists. So i thought yes...I going to get a bunch done while at home.

Flash forward to today. I did get to cross somethings off my lists, however there where two big things I wanted done that didn't get done. I wanted to go running, which I did not. I also wanted to finish weeding the backyard. I only have a little left to weed in the backyard...which let me tell you I filled 5 yard bags today only. My hands are aching. I was super dirty and I felt like I actually got something  done. I hope to finish tomorrow either before or after my run with Sarah. The rest of the lists involve being on the computer ordering and reserving things...which can happy later tonight.

So I guess I was kind of productive these past couple of days. It feels nice getting things done when all I really would like to do is lay on my couch and watch mindless tv.

*note to self, next house i don't want any landscaping done in the backyard, that way I can put in the amount of flower beds I want. And I can actually manage a veggie garden*

My heart

So this weekend I was able to go home to St. Louis. Not only was I able to spend time with wonderful friends and family but I was also able to go to my other home...busch stadium. This weekend just happen to be the Cardinals home opening weekend. My mom and I had talked about getting tickets since about January. Since the tickets are not cheap ( and we are not rich) we had to chose which day we wanted to go. Since the cardinals where giving away a replica of the world series ring, we chose to go to saturday. However that did not keep me from downtown StL on friday. I went with my best friend Cara. It was great. Too bad it was raining most of the day. To say that opening day is StL's holiday is an understatement. I believe about 80% of people called into work on friday so they could watch their redbirds play at home. Rain does not keep StL from celebrating their Cardinals. Not only did I not have tickets, but hundreds of cards fans didn't either. We all just came downtown to be around each other to begin baseball in StL. To say I was in my element is right on. I loved every bit of it. I still get chills just by seeing Stan "the Man" riding out in busch. It is all just so moving.

My mom and I went downtown early on Saturday, so we can hit the bars then get into busch to get our rings. Well...the bars where empty and we saw everyone waiting and we where going to get our rings. So we mad our way to the stadium. I just get this wonderful, "I'm finally home" feeling every time I walk into busch. Am I bit crazy about my cardinals...yes. They are one of my passions. If you don't like it then oh well! Anyway we watched the cardinals get their rings...what a moving experience. Wow! It had tears in my eyes. Even fredbird got a ring...which was very funny, you know it was fredbird.

The cards ended up beating the cubs....what is better than that?!?!?! Going to the game made me realize just how much I miss StL. I barely get to watch then let alone go to a game. It made my heart full going to celebrate opening day, watching them beat the cubs at the stadium, and just being in StL. This has pretty much made my year,,,and its only April...it can only get better right?

Weekend wrap up

This weekend I went on a road trip to visit my very good friend and sorority sister Kim. We live about 6 hrs away from each other so we don't get to see each other very often. I very much enjoy the time I get to spend with Kim. Kim told me about November that she is expecting her first child. I could not be more happy for her and Ryan. I also could not picture someone who would be a better mother ( besides my own of course!). Kim is welcoming little baby boy in June. I think it might be a while until I see her again. So we had a great weekend just enjoying each other's company. We mostly watched movies and hang out, which I love! I'm all about just hanging out. We also got to craft a bit She was making pin wheels for the baby's room and I was making something for the wedding shower I'm doing in June. It was a great time.

Kim's work was doing a special viewing of the new Dr. Seuss movie The Lorax. I could not have loved the movie more. It had a great message and it was Dr. Seuss, so whats not to love? It kind of made me fall in love with Dr Seuss' work all over again. They also had a teacher do a little presentation right before the movie, I found it very informative.

All and all it was a great weekend! I can't wait to see Kim's little man! I know he will just come out a heart breaker. Also Kim could not make a cuter pregnant woman. She is just glowing all the time!

P. S. I tired helping her name the little guy, she did not like any of the name I suggested ( of course I have seen very interesting name at work and suggested all of them).  :)

Road trip

This weekend I'm going to visit my good friend Kim this weekend. We always have such a wonderful time with each other, so I'm super pumped! She is due with her first baby in June, so I'm hoping to help with some stuff for the baby while I'm up there, or just hang out!

Here's to driving across Iowa!

Happy Ash wednesday!

anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a religious person. I grew up in a catholic home. Went to church every Sunday until I was in high school. I went to Sunday school all the way until confirmation. I can't tell you the last time I went to mass. I actually get a lot of mass when I attend. For some reason I stopped going. I'm not sure when I stopped or way but I did. I really don't have a desire to go right now. I do still believe in God and I pray a lot actually. I think we all need to have our own relationship with God, whatever that may be. From what I was taught he will wait for you to come around and he is willing to have whatever relationship you are able to have with him.

All that being said, I still respect some of the catholic traditions. I still give something up every year for lent. I try my best to not eat meat on fridays and ash wednesday. I know the reason behind these traditions, and i kind of like them. I don't know why this still means something to be, but oh well.

This year for lent I decided not to make a deal with God, but a deal with myself. I think that making myself happier will also make God happy, since he wants all of us to be happy anyway. I am giving up giving myself reasons to not work out and fast food. The first day went well. I actually went for a run outside, it was only a mile but it felt awesome. I haven't been trying very hard at working out, or eating better for that matter. I need to step it up. I know I can do this if I just put my mind to it.

My best friend is getting married in June and I want to look great for it. She and my other best friend have been working out like crazy ladies and they look great! So jealous! I will get my ass back into gear. The hardest step is the first one right? here goes nothing!

world champs

Ok....I know everyone know how big of a cardinals fan I am. I cannot tell you how much the cardinals 2011 run meant to me. I was awesome. I have never watched a better game than game 6 of this world series. i know no manager has ever retired after winning the world series. Also Albert...god how could I forget him. He broke my baseball heart. I honestly can say I thought he was for more than just money, I guessed wrong. His wife said they thought they would get more out of the cards than 5 years, how long do you think your husband can play? 5 years is a great offer! More than that would be crazy. Albert isn't 21 anymore. Its time to realize that he is getting old and he isn't going to produce like he did when he was younger.

Anyway I still love my cards!!! If you know my I'm very crazy about them. I love them. I want nothing but the best for them...no matter who they get in trades. that being said....Go Cards!!!

long time no post

ok...I know its be forever since I posted. I know like no one reads, so I guess no know cares. I've been going thru a lot right now. I'm trying to make me a better version of myself. I know I have my faults, but I'm trying to get over those. I'm trying to be less judgemental, its part of my new years goals...(  I believe in goals, they are easier to achieve). Since making that goal I've been able to be more open to other co workers. i've be able to not judge strangers. It felt great!  I got this goal from my good friend Kim. She is wonderful! She makes me want to be a better person! I'm really trying! I know I have it in me. I'm not sure when or where I became so judgemental. I never used to be this person. I wasn't raised in a family had money at its core. I always valued relationships over money. But, unfortunally I became the person I didn't want to be.

Last year I did some horrible. I ruined my friendship with the first person I trusted in KC. It was my fault. I don't blame anyone execpt me. I know I was in fault. I will never be able to make up what I did. That being said, I can't take back what I did. I know she will never forgiven me, and that is ok. I said my piece with it. I'm moving on. I wish her nothing but the best. I know she can be a great person. I hope nothing but happiness in her life. She really is a nice person at heart.

Since this whole thing I've been really trying to work on myself. I want to be the kind of person that I want to be friends with. I think I have been really good at this. Recently I  became friends with a girls at work that I didn't know very well. I find that I really enjoy having her at work. Its nice to find a different side of someone you work with.

I guess this whole post is about that the person I was and who I want to be. I want to be the person a friend goes to with a problem and I can help them come up with a solution. I feel horrible about what happened in the past but that is the past and I must move on. Thanks for reading!